Thursday, April 26, 2012

honesty is hard

I always told myself that since no one really reads this except the people I care about, that I would always be completely honest. It's weird because I find myself falling into the same old habit of trying to be the person I want people to see instead of just being myself. So, in the interest of being honest, it's about to get real in here. As of this weekend Jared and I will be filling  for divorce. It's something that we have been threatening each other with during fights for over a year, and things finally came to a head about 4 months ago. I moved out, and we've decided after having this time apart, that we've become too different and that the marriage is not going to work. I've had most of the things that I'm judgmental about promptly blow up in my face, this being no exception. I'd always been skeptical of couples who sited 'irreconcilable differences' for their reason for divorce, thinking, 'yeah right, they just met someone else and have no willpower.' which is most decidedly not the case here.
Anyway, I feel cautiously hopeful about the future, and really want Jared to be happy as well. My biggest issue with our relationship (or what it had deteriorated to) was that we were both supremely unhappy, and clearly not wanting or being able to meet each others needs. The more we separately sought out personal happiness, the farther we drifted from each other, and once the friendship goes, the respect goes with it, so here we are.
So alone again. but never lonely. I have the most supportive friends and family that a person could ever hope for, and that is the real blessing, I believe.

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

This cleanse of mine

I've done a cleanse before, it was a soy/raw freeze dried fruit shake based cleanse, and it was really great actually, very filling and not too sweet, so you could add what you wanted to it, and the cleanse allowed for all the raw fruits and veggies you wanted, so it wasn't massively restrictive. However, I did discover that I have a pretty intense soy sensitivity, and I had to either eat like, half a pomagranite or drink a large cup or green tea to not start feeling itchy and hot. So this time I'm going with the 'pressed' cleanse, which is an almond/green protein juice cleanse. I decided to go with the 3 day cleanse instead of the 5 day (mainly for cost reasons) with 3 days prep and 3 days to ease back into a more normal diet on either end (9 days total).  I'm trying to get exercise in after work when I can since the days are longer (woo!) and it's actually been pretty nice weather (double woo!!) Post cleanse, the first day will be pretty 'soft' only adding fresh greens and steamed veggies, then I will add in goat cheese and fish. I will be trying to go back to how things were toward the beginning of the year, diet wise. The last couple of months have been pretty hard on me, so part of my 'healthy sabbatical' has had to do with me just trying to comfort myself (I know, I know, not the best coping mechanism, shu-uh!) anywhoo, I'm pretty stoked to get healthy again, I'm really hoping that this summer kicks ass, since the last two have really kicked mine!!