Pivot point

I moved into my new apartment this weekend! So relieved to finally have a place to rest and regroup for a while. Jared and I also got all of the divorce papers signed on Saturday so I can start getting that off and going too. Still a lot happening just under the surface, but it feels like I've reached a new plateau. I'm really motivated to get everything unpacked and settled, still not sure if I'll need a storage space or not. There's also a few crafty ideas I already have in mind, so it'll be nice to get that going as well! The next big thing on my wish list: a countertop dishwasher!

Update on me

hello all
sorry for not being more communicative over here on the blog. I'm still kind of in hibernation mode. I heard a quote the other day that sort of sums up what I feel I'm going through.
'The terror that occurs within the cocoon is the price of eventual freedom.'

so, thank you, for all of the friends and family who continue to support me as I go through this incredibly hard time. I hope to reward you all in turn ;)

been a little while

Hello!
It's been a little while since I last posted, I feel like the changes that are going on in my life are significant, and I've been finding it hard to express exactly how I'm feeling.  This experience is extremely unique and I truly feel sorry for every time I've ever judged anyone going through a divorce. It. Is. Awful.
Anyway, I don't want to be a downer, in reality, so I'm not going to start doing it here. I've been trying to focus on bettering my life, trying to do good things for myself and get out of 'self medication' mode. (which basically consists of eating crap, drinking too much, and staying out too late. You know, the uszh...) I feel like I'm finally ready physically to get back into yoga which I'm jazzed about. It was my main source of strength training pre-farm, (not a big fan of weight training) and I've been kinda freaked out to try it since I hurt myself last year. I'm looking forward to being strong again, in so many ways.
 I'm really hoping to get into an apartment by june 1st which is also huge. Having a kitchen again will make the whole healthy eating situation tremendously.
I'm officially giving myself a break from my original new years resolutions, and I'm ok with it ;)
The hibernation continues....

honesty is hard

I always told myself that since no one really reads this except the people I care about, that I would always be completely honest. It's weird because I find myself falling into the same old habit of trying to be the person I want people to see instead of just being myself. So, in the interest of being honest, it's about to get real in here. As of this weekend Jared and I will be filling  for divorce. It's something that we have been threatening each other with during fights for over a year, and things finally came to a head about 4 months ago. I moved out, and we've decided after having this time apart, that we've become too different and that the marriage is not going to work. I've had most of the things that I'm judgmental about promptly blow up in my face, this being no exception. I'd always been skeptical of couples who sited 'irreconcilable differences' for their reason for divorce, thinking, 'yeah right, they just met someone else and have no willpower.' which is most decidedly not the case here.
Anyway, I feel cautiously hopeful about the future, and really want Jared to be happy as well. My biggest issue with our relationship (or what it had deteriorated to) was that we were both supremely unhappy, and clearly not wanting or being able to meet each others needs. The more we separately sought out personal happiness, the farther we drifted from each other, and once the friendship goes, the respect goes with it, so here we are.
So alone again. but never lonely. I have the most supportive friends and family that a person could ever hope for, and that is the real blessing, I believe.

This cleanse of mine

I've done a cleanse before, it was a soy/raw freeze dried fruit shake based cleanse, and it was really great actually, very filling and not too sweet, so you could add what you wanted to it, and the cleanse allowed for all the raw fruits and veggies you wanted, so it wasn't massively restrictive. However, I did discover that I have a pretty intense soy sensitivity, and I had to either eat like, half a pomagranite or drink a large cup or green tea to not start feeling itchy and hot. So this time I'm going with the 'pressed' cleanse, which is an almond/green protein juice cleanse. I decided to go with the 3 day cleanse instead of the 5 day (mainly for cost reasons) with 3 days prep and 3 days to ease back into a more normal diet on either end (9 days total).  I'm trying to get exercise in after work when I can since the days are longer (woo!) and it's actually been pretty nice weather (double woo!!) Post cleanse, the first day will be pretty 'soft' only adding fresh greens and steamed veggies, then I will add in goat cheese and fish. I will be trying to go back to how things were toward the beginning of the year, diet wise. The last couple of months have been pretty hard on me, so part of my 'healthy sabbatical' has had to do with me just trying to comfort myself (I know, I know, not the best coping mechanism, shu-uh!) anywhoo, I'm pretty stoked to get healthy again, I'm really hoping that this summer kicks ass, since the last two have really kicked mine!!

Resolution update: April

As was previously mentioned I have decided to take Lent off from my healthy endeavors. I'm hoping in time to be able to articulate my reasoning behind this move better at a later date, but in preparation for Easter, (when I will be ending my junk food/no exercising binge and doing a quickie 5 day juice cleanse) I am going veggie until then and have begun jogging to get the exercise regime rolling. I'd also like to make some sort of amends for this hiatus by adding to my resolution list. I'm not totally into going to the gym as a source of getting fit, it just seems so limited to me (although, when it's cold and rainy, I'd much rather be indoors, so I get it, and I'm totally not knocking the gym, yo) so in the interest of learning new things, and being slightly more athletic (which, I'm totally NOT) I'd like to at least try the following things this year:

Tennis

this seems like something I could get into, since there's very little contact, you get a good workout, you can wear  cute skirts still if you want, and yelling is OK. 

Biking

now, I'm not going to be going on any crazy cross country-ing, but I would like to at least get a bike, and once I'm in the city again, attempt to ride it here and there instead of taking my car.

Hiking

This is something that I've gotten more into the last few years, but I absolutely love being in the outdoors when the weather is nice, and would love to do more hiking (and picnicking!)

Vegas vacation

I spent this last week visiting my sister in Las Vegas with my dad and a few of his friends from work. I had a really great time! I've been going through some personal hardships and it was really good to be around a few of the people who know, love and support me most.
Here's a few pics:

It rained on Saturday!

We went to this old school MC's,
Alice had a hankering for the cheddar soup and salad bar...

This is the new hotel lobby and check in counter at the oldest hotel in Las Vegas:
The Golden Gate on Fremont street.
My extremely talented sister is the lead designer!!

Hoover Dam

 Valley of Fire

"Beehive" rock formations

All in all it was a great trip. When I lived there I was 19, and although I've been back a few times to visit since then, I was really able to go to a few haunts I'd always wanted to visit but never had the opportunity to as a 'youth'.
I'm already planning my next trip, so everyone start saving now so you an come with me! I promise it won't be disappointing ;)

Resolution update: March

I've taken a bit of a break from my 'healthy start to the new year' and decided my loop hole is to give up healthy food and home cooking for lent. I'll get in to a more in depth explanation when I finish formulating one...

However, after Easter, I plan to do a juice cleanse I'm super excited to try, and I'll be back at it with a new slew of recipes that I'm super stoked for, and workout regime to get my butt back in gear.

but first, I'm going to Vegas with my dad to visit my sister and I'm so excited!!! It's been entirely too long... we leave on the 13th!!

Hiking

This last Saturday we took a hiking trip to lake Cushman! The weather was weird as usual, (sunny, rainy, snowy, and super windy) and it was great! If only the day had been able to finish out as well it started.... (le sigh...)

It's a really amazing landscape! I can only imagine what it's like during the summer....

NYFW

I love fashion. If you know me, you more than likely already know this, but if you didn't, now you do. It's kind of funny, since I wear sweats most days, but as an art form, I adore fashion. I also have a huge amount of respect for designers, and have no problem whatsoever falling in love with clothes. and shoes. Wear-ability is chiefly what I look for in clothing design, although I loves me some Haute Couture and think of it as being in the same realm as fine art.

So having said that, New York Fashion Week (which is actually 8 days of events spanning Feb. 9-16 this year) just wrapped up, and I'd like to share my favorite runway shows from the ready to wear collections. (Click on the designer name to view the runway show from this year. courtesy of Style.com)
Derek Lam was my #1 favorite. I LOVE what he's doing with leather and proportions.
Number #2 would have to be a tie between J Crew, which, try as I might to be 'edgier', is still my favorite 'basic' brand, the entire collection is so my style right now. 2.2 would have to be Chris Benz. Every look was like 'bam! ~ bam! ~ bam!' like 'Mad Men' meets Gwen Stefani, So good... I also LOVED Michael Kors. He basically hit all my usual buttons, so to speak. (plaid? check. lace? check. leather? check. chunky knits? check. 20s and 40s inspired gowns? check.) Nanette Lepore was amazing, her play with color and textures really made me smile, and Marchesa was just wonderful. If I hadn't already gotten married (and had the money) #13 (in the slide show) would have been everything...
The rest of my favorites were a bit harder to quantify. Rachel Zoe had an amazing collection this year, I love what she does with layers, and her designs are just, in a word:classic.  Preen, Rachel Roy, and the Row were expertly cut and tailored on the edge of a knife, so so SO terrifically chic. Tory Burch was so cute, very 'Blair Waldorf'.
I really liked Victoria Beckham! I really like how she used the boots/socks through the whole show, very cute. That's definitely a look I can get on board with this season. I really liked J Mendel also, although nothing really surprised me there, it was all very lovely. I liked Marc by Marc Jacobs too. The way he plays with masculine/feminine has always intrigued me. I didn't love the metallic bits, but I loved the boots. I also liked Rodarte. I'm not loving the whole, military style exposed pocket thing, or the hand print stuff, but LOVED the shoes! I had to look at the collection twice because I was so taken with them the first time around.
Badgley Mischka and the gowns at Jenny Packham and Vivienne Tam were exquisite,  they make me wish I had a fancy event to go to. *sigh*
No one does draping like Doo.Ri, and she did not disappoint this year either. Her sweaters and gowns are amazing! I'm kind of excited for her Macy's collection too... Tracy Reese was so 'of the moment' with the mix of media, and Y3 for 'Adidas' was both unconventional (as usual) and super comfy looking, there were definitely some pieces I'm going to be trolling for in the near future...
Cynthia Rowley was an interesting one for me. I'd have to go thirdsies on that one. a third of it I loved, a third of it was 'meh' and a third of it I really didn't like at all. The third of it I loved, I really, really love though, which is funny, because the third I don't like, I really, really don't like, (she did some 'inside bits on the outside' thing that I'm not a fan of) and that's unusual for me, especially since I love Cynthia Rowley full stop usually... 
One that surprised me was Sharon Wauchob's designs for Edun! The colors! The patterns! Everything! It was so 'right now' Blown away...
  
Until next year, New York...

i got the music in me

yeah, I'm kind of obsessed with discovering music. mostly because, as with anything, there's so much out there that just doesn't 'do it' for me. I worked at Sam Goody once upon a time, so my tolerance for any and all music is pretty high, but that doesn't mean I have to like it, right? When I was farming, I kind of got out of the loop a bit, having to rely on what ever Jared had to offer from the road (which shouldn't be discounted!) but I didn't do much for myself as far as adding to my ipod.
Having said that, I don't stray too far from the main stream (love: ADELE! FLORENCE! GAGA!) but I do very much appreciating hearing a great song on TV (for once) or being introduced to a new band from a new country or whatever.
There are two bands that I'm currently crushing on, Gotye, and the Lumineers, and I highly recommend picking up their albums (the lumineers comes out next month) or seeing them live if you get the chance...

Gotye: Somebody that I used to know

Lumineers: Ho Hey

reading rainbow

I like all books. I'm not kidding. I could read *just* about anything and find something I appreciate about it (even if it's just that it's over) and I'm a firm believer that the book is ALWAYS better than the movie/show. I recently read several books in anticipation of the movie(s) or show and I'm so glad I did!

I totally recommend reading all three 'millennium' series books before watching 'girl with the dragon tattoo'. They are so captivating that they are an incredibly quick read, although, they did take me a bit longer than usual since I don't speak Swedish, like, at all, the names hung me up a bit...

EVERYONE should read all three 'hunger games books' I mean, it's 'young adult' fiction, and there's less than 1000 pages all together I think...(although, there aren't a lot of movies coming out in the near future that I'm MORE stoked for!)

   I'm also powering through the 'a song of ice and fire' series as best I can, before I embark on the 'game of thrones' HBO series (i know, i know, it's AMAZING... and I'll get to it ;))

resolution update

so it's now been a month since everyone promised to be healthy wealthy and wise (for once!) this year. In the interest of being honest, and to keep myself on track, I'm going to track my progress the best I can, and this is my first update. My plan (if you didn't read it) was/is to:


work out weekly
no more junk food (3 home made meals and 1 snack or high quality restaurant food only)
pack a lunch/snack daily
eat breakfast
drink more green tea
no more regular alcohol (1-2 glasses of wine with dinner, no hard A)
jog with abbey and do yard work at least once a week
monthly massages and pedicures

so, full disclosure, the 'work out' portion never really made it out of the gate, I'm taking walks with Jared and/or Abbey as often as I can in the 'hood, but it's soo coooold! pretty much anything under 60, and I'm inside huddled by the heater with my blanket or cranking the heat/seat warmers in the car while I shiver and dream of warmer climates.
I've done really well with the eating portion. I've only hit the fast food twice since the new year (once because Dicks was like, screaming my name from 100 miles away, and once because, sometimes a greasy breaky sammich is the only thing to chase the hangover blues away) I haven't been snacking on carby nastiness which is a major improvement, and I've managed to only eat lunch out once. I've had breakfast almost every morning. (sometimes I just get up too late on Saturday!) I haven't been able to curb my coffee addiction for green tea, but, you know, baby steps. I have only had wine with dinner at home.
I was able to get most of the yard work I wanted to do before Jared came home. My amazing friend Jillian treated me to a pedi for my b-day, but I wasn't able to squeeze in a massage, better luck next month, back!

cauliflower pizza

I've been attempting to make vegetable based pizza crusts for a few years now. I attempted a zucchini crust recipe a few times a couple of years ago, and the first attempt was delicious! it stuck to the pan really bad though, so I figured I'd made it too thin. Every subsequent attempt was not great to say the least...
Cut to a few weeks ago, I was reading on a different blog and was inspired to try the cauliflower crust pizza. I  augmented the recipe a little, and so far I've made it 3 times, and it was so good!! the first time I forgot to cook the cauliflower after I riced it, but it was OK, just a bit raw-ish tasting. I used an olive oil base and topped with brie, Gorgonzola, and mushrooms.  The second attempt was about the same, and I added sauteed french shallots. This last time I made it, I switched to a tomato based sauce and topped that with mozzarella balls, olives and mushrooms. I was only able to snap a picture this last time because it was eaten so fast the first two times! The coolest thing about it is, there's less than half the calories of a typical slice of plain pizza IN THE WHOLE FRIGGING THING! (minus the toppings of course ;))

anyway, the crust is super easy, here's the basic recipe:

1C cauliflower, riced (grate, then microwave for 8 min)

1C mozzarella, shredded

1  egg, beaten

1t dried oregano, or alternative spice mix (I used the salt free pizza spice mix from the bulk section at central market)

1 clove garlic, minced

1/2 t garlic salt or other flavored salt (I used truffle salt)

olive oil

spray a cookie sheet with non stick spray, or spread olive oil, thick and even over the whole surface. pre-heat oven to 450. in a largish bowl, stir together cauliflower, egg and cheese. add spices and salt and mix thoroughly. transfer to sheet and pat into desired shape with your hands. brush with olive oil. bake at 450 for about 15 min. remove and loosen from sheet with a spatula, careful to not break the crust!! 

top with whatever your heart desires and pop it back in the oven for 4-5 min until topping cheese is melted (I usually boost the heat up a bit too at this point, but you don't have to) 

this is enough for one pizza, which, with salad, was enough for me and my husby.

easy peasy!!

He's baaaack!

Jared just arrived home from his other-side-of-the-world adventures! can't wait to hear all about Australia, New Zealand and Japan! Sounds like a really amazing place! Still kinda on a wonky schedule but I'm hoping things go back to normal soon. We'll see though. maybe this will be the thing to finally turn him into a night owl, haha!

Snow Day

Full disclosure: it hardly ever snows in Seattle. Being extremely close to the water has that advantage. Therefore, when it does, it's kind of a cluster fudge around here. Also, where I live in Bremerton, being even closer to the water, it really never snows. So cut to a two weekends ago, I headed out to run some errands and then go over to the 'main land' to go to a party in the evening. after my Kitsap peninsula errands I headed over on the ferry to find that it had snowed an inch or two over in Seattle and the other main land areas, enough to be entertaining but not extremely treacherous in my little Honda civic. However, once I arrived back at my moms to collect my dog and head home, everything had iced over, and stayed that way through the entire next day, ratcheting up the treachery to an unsafe level. So subsequently, what I had intended to be a quick day trip turned into a 3 day ordeal. I headed home Monday evening and did an hour or so of yard work (since it still hadn't snowed at all at my house) before calling it a day and heading inside.

I love me a good day or two of sitting around and doing absolutely nothing, but after a day or two I kinda start to go crazy, so I'm glad I got some work in after all.

Then last Wednesday, The snow came in full force! I ended up stuck at my mom's house again and after a full day of just sitting around, I decided to brave the streets to the ferry, and almost took out two urban campers on the way! When I finally arrived home, it was clear that Thursday was going to be a stay at home day as well. Friday morning it was much warmer and raining, so I decided to 'dig' my way up the driveway (which basically consisted of me scooping the snow/ice that was left out of the way with a super huge metal dust pan) and made my way to work. Things have pretty much gone back to normal since then. there's still lingering snow/ice here and there, but not really on the roads. However our signature winter rain is in full effect!

my facebook dillema

I kind of gave up on facebook a while back. Not to be all counter culture or any of that, but mainly because the way it was integrating to everything online was kind of freaking me out. So, I took a hiatus from it until I could take the time to go through my account and clean out all the stuff I no longer wanted on there, etc. Well, I've done that, and am now intrepidly dipping a toe back in the facebook pool. I feel like, for better or worse, there are people I'd really like to stay in contact with, and facebook seems to be the way to do it. So, I'm back! and hopefully it won't freak me out too much ;)

18 months

the boy is 18 months! I can't believe that it's been over a year, he's grown so much! pre-school probably won't start until next year, but he is in gymboree and music class, and last week we had our first art class!

He's right on the verge of talking. There's a little sign language, and a lot of grunting and pointing. This one is very self possessed! He wants to do everything himself!

I believe that I have the best job ever! Getting the opportunity to be an integral part in someones life potentially (and hopefully) forever is such an honor. I feel very fortunate and grateful.

Abbey update

Abbey had her surgery on Friday, she is also now up to date on her shots. yay!  Also, I had to order her a new name tag (her other one broke about a week ago) so that's on its way! word to the wise; go with stainless steel or brass for those things. the aluminum and plastic ones you get from those machines are $h%*ty!  Anyway, if you live in the Seattle area, the spay and neuter clinic in shoreline is the best, and, like, half the price of what Abbey's puppy vet wanted to charge. Amazeballs!!

She slept the whole day on Saturday after her surgery,

you can even see her little shaved belly and stitches!

I've definitely noticed a difference in her behavior once her heat had wrapped up, it turns out she had a false pregnancy, so the extra hormones had contributed to her irritability. She seems to be on the mend, still a little short on patience, but she hasn't been out to run in a while now! They said no running or jumping for a week, yikes! She was able to easily share space with children and other dogs without getting growly or defensive, so I'm hoping to put a new exercise regime in place so that will hopefully go away. She's still barky, but that probably won't go away ;)

I love her so much, she's such a sweet dog and I just want her to be at her best, I'm hoping that this will just curb her enthusiasm a bit, ya know? ;)

my favorites from YouTube

I'm kinda new on the YouTube train, and definitely have no desire to contribute, but there's some funny stuff out there. I had to pause or re-watch  these ones because I was laughing so hard. In case you haven't seen them yet, here are a few of my favorites...

the title of this one has a swear, but the rest is clean

shit girls say

this one has swears and adult content, no nakedness tho, sorry...

jenna marbles

this one has a few swears too

stevie ryan

and this one, I just thought was so freaking cute, and clever (totally clean)

marcell the shell with shoes on

I hope you enjoyed those as much as I did! :)

storage farm

Our farm is officially in storage now! We got it all packed up with help from our friend Paul before we headed out for our vacation. There it will stay until we figure out where we're going to settle.

this is from when we got started, I don't have a picture of it, but the unit is now packed to the edges. including the loft.

Jared and Paul figuring it out

Abbey's a big help, as usual... ;)

DINOSAURS!

There's this place in the oregon rainforest called 'Prehistoric Gardens' and it is equal parts awesome and cheesy. It's been there for 50 years. The dinosaur replicas are to scale (from measurements taken from actual dinosaur installations in museums) and were created from steel frames/mesh and then HAND SCULPTED with concrete. pretty cool. They're also hand painted every few years. pretty cheesy. pretty much, I loved it. They also have a fully stocked gift shop, I didn't get a picture of that though...

yes, that's a huge hole

yes, it's lying on the ground. what you don't see, is that I'm taking this from a bridge, and there's a stream directly to the right. yeah.

and in case you worried that they might be real or something, there was this sign to bring things back into perspective and remind you that we were, in fact, still in southern oregon...

and all that's left is this sign....sigh...