been a little while

Hello!
It's been a little while since I last posted, I feel like the changes that are going on in my life are significant, and I've been finding it hard to express exactly how I'm feeling.  This experience is extremely unique and I truly feel sorry for every time I've ever judged anyone going through a divorce. It. Is. Awful.
Anyway, I don't want to be a downer, in reality, so I'm not going to start doing it here. I've been trying to focus on bettering my life, trying to do good things for myself and get out of 'self medication' mode. (which basically consists of eating crap, drinking too much, and staying out too late. You know, the uszh...) I feel like I'm finally ready physically to get back into yoga which I'm jazzed about. It was my main source of strength training pre-farm, (not a big fan of weight training) and I've been kinda freaked out to try it since I hurt myself last year. I'm looking forward to being strong again, in so many ways.
 I'm really hoping to get into an apartment by june 1st which is also huge. Having a kitchen again will make the whole healthy eating situation tremendously.
I'm officially giving myself a break from my original new years resolutions, and I'm ok with it ;)
The hibernation continues....

honesty is hard

I always told myself that since no one really reads this except the people I care about, that I would always be completely honest. It's weird because I find myself falling into the same old habit of trying to be the person I want people to see instead of just being myself. So, in the interest of being honest, it's about to get real in here. As of this weekend Jared and I will be filling  for divorce. It's something that we have been threatening each other with during fights for over a year, and things finally came to a head about 4 months ago. I moved out, and we've decided after having this time apart, that we've become too different and that the marriage is not going to work. I've had most of the things that I'm judgmental about promptly blow up in my face, this being no exception. I'd always been skeptical of couples who sited 'irreconcilable differences' for their reason for divorce, thinking, 'yeah right, they just met someone else and have no willpower.' which is most decidedly not the case here.
Anyway, I feel cautiously hopeful about the future, and really want Jared to be happy as well. My biggest issue with our relationship (or what it had deteriorated to) was that we were both supremely unhappy, and clearly not wanting or being able to meet each others needs. The more we separately sought out personal happiness, the farther we drifted from each other, and once the friendship goes, the respect goes with it, so here we are.
So alone again. but never lonely. I have the most supportive friends and family that a person could ever hope for, and that is the real blessing, I believe.

This cleanse of mine

I've done a cleanse before, it was a soy/raw freeze dried fruit shake based cleanse, and it was really great actually, very filling and not too sweet, so you could add what you wanted to it, and the cleanse allowed for all the raw fruits and veggies you wanted, so it wasn't massively restrictive. However, I did discover that I have a pretty intense soy sensitivity, and I had to either eat like, half a pomagranite or drink a large cup or green tea to not start feeling itchy and hot. So this time I'm going with the 'pressed' cleanse, which is an almond/green protein juice cleanse. I decided to go with the 3 day cleanse instead of the 5 day (mainly for cost reasons) with 3 days prep and 3 days to ease back into a more normal diet on either end (9 days total).  I'm trying to get exercise in after work when I can since the days are longer (woo!) and it's actually been pretty nice weather (double woo!!) Post cleanse, the first day will be pretty 'soft' only adding fresh greens and steamed veggies, then I will add in goat cheese and fish. I will be trying to go back to how things were toward the beginning of the year, diet wise. The last couple of months have been pretty hard on me, so part of my 'healthy sabbatical' has had to do with me just trying to comfort myself (I know, I know, not the best coping mechanism, shu-uh!) anywhoo, I'm pretty stoked to get healthy again, I'm really hoping that this summer kicks ass, since the last two have really kicked mine!!

Resolution update: April

As was previously mentioned I have decided to take Lent off from my healthy endeavors. I'm hoping in time to be able to articulate my reasoning behind this move better at a later date, but in preparation for Easter, (when I will be ending my junk food/no exercising binge and doing a quickie 5 day juice cleanse) I am going veggie until then and have begun jogging to get the exercise regime rolling. I'd also like to make some sort of amends for this hiatus by adding to my resolution list. I'm not totally into going to the gym as a source of getting fit, it just seems so limited to me (although, when it's cold and rainy, I'd much rather be indoors, so I get it, and I'm totally not knocking the gym, yo) so in the interest of learning new things, and being slightly more athletic (which, I'm totally NOT) I'd like to at least try the following things this year:

Tennis

this seems like something I could get into, since there's very little contact, you get a good workout, you can wear  cute skirts still if you want, and yelling is OK. 

Biking

now, I'm not going to be going on any crazy cross country-ing, but I would like to at least get a bike, and once I'm in the city again, attempt to ride it here and there instead of taking my car.

Hiking

This is something that I've gotten more into the last few years, but I absolutely love being in the outdoors when the weather is nice, and would love to do more hiking (and picnicking!)

Vegas vacation

I spent this last week visiting my sister in Las Vegas with my dad and a few of his friends from work. I had a really great time! I've been going through some personal hardships and it was really good to be around a few of the people who know, love and support me most.
Here's a few pics:

It rained on Saturday!

We went to this old school MC's,
Alice had a hankering for the cheddar soup and salad bar...

This is the new hotel lobby and check in counter at the oldest hotel in Las Vegas:
The Golden Gate on Fremont street.
My extremely talented sister is the lead designer!!

Hoover Dam

 Valley of Fire

"Beehive" rock formations

All in all it was a great trip. When I lived there I was 19, and although I've been back a few times to visit since then, I was really able to go to a few haunts I'd always wanted to visit but never had the opportunity to as a 'youth'.
I'm already planning my next trip, so everyone start saving now so you an come with me! I promise it won't be disappointing ;)

Resolution update: March

I've taken a bit of a break from my 'healthy start to the new year' and decided my loop hole is to give up healthy food and home cooking for lent. I'll get in to a more in depth explanation when I finish formulating one...

However, after Easter, I plan to do a juice cleanse I'm super excited to try, and I'll be back at it with a new slew of recipes that I'm super stoked for, and workout regime to get my butt back in gear.

but first, I'm going to Vegas with my dad to visit my sister and I'm so excited!!! It's been entirely too long... we leave on the 13th!!

Hiking

This last Saturday we took a hiking trip to lake Cushman! The weather was weird as usual, (sunny, rainy, snowy, and super windy) and it was great! If only the day had been able to finish out as well it started.... (le sigh...)

It's a really amazing landscape! I can only imagine what it's like during the summer....