Random and Sunday

Random is definitely the best one word description of my Friday and Saturday last. After work on Friday I had plans to meet up with a friend, (which turned into two friends actually, yay!) and just as we were settling in to have some good eats with our drinks, and a rather large group of people came in carrying bags and boxes. We were like, 'okay...' Especially when they start moving the tables around and we hear them mention a PA. (yeah.) We were still pretty 'whatevs' especially since we relocated to a booth that was across the room from the apparently impending hubbub. Then they pull out clip boards. At this point, we're like, 'let's wrap this up and take it to another venue, yes?' and we down our drinks and pay our tab just as they fire up the PA and start up with their spiel which I think had something to do with politics. They did ask me to sign something as I was escaping, but I just whined something about it being a rough week and he left me alone. The rest of the night was normal, had a couple more drinks at the regular watering hole, then met up with my sister and her bf at an awesome meats place and had a beer(!) and went home kinda early. We had plans to go hiking on Saturday so I wanted to make sure I got enough sleep.
It hadn't really occurred to me that it had been snowing in the area we were planning to hike, so I was a bit surprised when we got to our supposed hiking destination and it was not really there, due to about 3-4 feet of snow (boo). Fortunately the group I was with was just as easygoing as me about the situation, so we played in the snow until our feet were frozen. We then decided to head back and check out the reptile zoo and BBQ that we passed on the way in. (Yes, you read that right.)
We decided to eat first, so we head down to the BBQ, which is situated in two school buses. One is where you place your order and they make it, the other is where the magic happens. We take a seat in the dining (magic) bus which has been renovated to resemble a dining room. It also has hundreds of those alphabet magnets to give you something to do while you wait for the deliciousness to descend. I had the brisket sammy, macaroni salad and a big ole pickle. It did not disappoint.
We then went to the reptile zoo (open 365 days a year!!) and wow. They have the 10 most venomous snakes, as well as dozens of other creepy crawlies. I'm pretty sure at one point there was a half baked plan in our party to liberate the crocodile, but I'm guessing it didn't pan out....
Later Saturday night I went to an Easter fiesta where we dined on nachos and margs whilst decorating hard boiled eggs. And yes, it was awesome.
Sunday was pretty much like it usually is. Had brunch, cleaned my place, vegged out and went to karaoke. It was my friend's night off, so he wore his sunglasses inside, and apparently started a trend....

I've been needing to start blogging again.....

I’ve been wanting to start up blogging again but I’m still undergoing a lot of change and have been trying to work out how much of it I want to share ‘publicly’. My divorce was finalized on the last day of last year, so I’ve felt compelled to continue moving forward in every way possible. I haven’t necessarily been very patient with myself, so i feel that in some respects I have moved forward by leaps and bounds, and in others have kind of just been spinning my wheels. Fortunately I seem to have the disposition that leads me to look for the lesson to be learned or the positive side of things regardless of how bleak things seem in the moment, and that provides me with a profound sense of peace. I’ve been quietly mulling over what it is I hope to look back at come December 31st of this year. I still feel apprehensive about posting about it, but there are a few specific things and those seem to be falling into place.

My impulse control this year was much looser than I usually allow, and I definitely didn’t escape unscathed. However, the hurts will heal and I will be a better person one day for enduring and learning from what I’ve endured. I’ve learned that you can be good, you can be right, you can always be striving to be the bigger person, and other people will still find a way to use you or hurt you, no matter how hard you try to avoid it. Part of me wants to be like, ‘fuck people in general’ and just sit at home and binge watch tv, however, I firmly believe that none of the connections I’ve made this year were in vain. For every friend I’ve made (or attempted to make) and lost, there are at least a half a dozen new friendships that have been forged and I am eternally grateful for. As for the friends who have fallen by the wayside or away all together, I’m grateful for those as well. They’ve taught me about myself more than anything else, and that is always a good thing.

There are some pretty big changes coming down the pike of my life and I’m excited about what the future holds.
My work situation is changing, in both location and responsibility and I’m stoked about that for sure, this summer is shaping up to be a good one, providing its not unseasonably cold….. Which is still a distinct possibility seeing as I live in the Pacific Northwest.


The weekend is approaching and I’m looking forward to hopefully hiking with some friends (pictures to follow, fingers crossed!) as well as an Easter themed fiesta (you read that right) and of course, Sunday karaoke! :)
Stay tuned….

Pivot point

I moved into my new apartment this weekend! So relieved to finally have a place to rest and regroup for a while. Jared and I also got all of the divorce papers signed on Saturday so I can start getting that off and going too. Still a lot happening just under the surface, but it feels like I've reached a new plateau. I'm really motivated to get everything unpacked and settled, still not sure if I'll need a storage space or not. There's also a few crafty ideas I already have in mind, so it'll be nice to get that going as well! The next big thing on my wish list: a countertop dishwasher!

Update on me

hello all
sorry for not being more communicative over here on the blog. I'm still kind of in hibernation mode. I heard a quote the other day that sort of sums up what I feel I'm going through.
'The terror that occurs within the cocoon is the price of eventual freedom.'

so, thank you, for all of the friends and family who continue to support me as I go through this incredibly hard time. I hope to reward you all in turn ;)

been a little while

Hello!
It's been a little while since I last posted, I feel like the changes that are going on in my life are significant, and I've been finding it hard to express exactly how I'm feeling.  This experience is extremely unique and I truly feel sorry for every time I've ever judged anyone going through a divorce. It. Is. Awful.
Anyway, I don't want to be a downer, in reality, so I'm not going to start doing it here. I've been trying to focus on bettering my life, trying to do good things for myself and get out of 'self medication' mode. (which basically consists of eating crap, drinking too much, and staying out too late. You know, the uszh...) I feel like I'm finally ready physically to get back into yoga which I'm jazzed about. It was my main source of strength training pre-farm, (not a big fan of weight training) and I've been kinda freaked out to try it since I hurt myself last year. I'm looking forward to being strong again, in so many ways.
 I'm really hoping to get into an apartment by june 1st which is also huge. Having a kitchen again will make the whole healthy eating situation tremendously.
I'm officially giving myself a break from my original new years resolutions, and I'm ok with it ;)
The hibernation continues....

honesty is hard

I always told myself that since no one really reads this except the people I care about, that I would always be completely honest. It's weird because I find myself falling into the same old habit of trying to be the person I want people to see instead of just being myself. So, in the interest of being honest, it's about to get real in here. As of this weekend Jared and I will be filling  for divorce. It's something that we have been threatening each other with during fights for over a year, and things finally came to a head about 4 months ago. I moved out, and we've decided after having this time apart, that we've become too different and that the marriage is not going to work. I've had most of the things that I'm judgmental about promptly blow up in my face, this being no exception. I'd always been skeptical of couples who sited 'irreconcilable differences' for their reason for divorce, thinking, 'yeah right, they just met someone else and have no willpower.' which is most decidedly not the case here.
Anyway, I feel cautiously hopeful about the future, and really want Jared to be happy as well. My biggest issue with our relationship (or what it had deteriorated to) was that we were both supremely unhappy, and clearly not wanting or being able to meet each others needs. The more we separately sought out personal happiness, the farther we drifted from each other, and once the friendship goes, the respect goes with it, so here we are.
So alone again. but never lonely. I have the most supportive friends and family that a person could ever hope for, and that is the real blessing, I believe.

This cleanse of mine

I've done a cleanse before, it was a soy/raw freeze dried fruit shake based cleanse, and it was really great actually, very filling and not too sweet, so you could add what you wanted to it, and the cleanse allowed for all the raw fruits and veggies you wanted, so it wasn't massively restrictive. However, I did discover that I have a pretty intense soy sensitivity, and I had to either eat like, half a pomagranite or drink a large cup or green tea to not start feeling itchy and hot. So this time I'm going with the 'pressed' cleanse, which is an almond/green protein juice cleanse. I decided to go with the 3 day cleanse instead of the 5 day (mainly for cost reasons) with 3 days prep and 3 days to ease back into a more normal diet on either end (9 days total).  I'm trying to get exercise in after work when I can since the days are longer (woo!) and it's actually been pretty nice weather (double woo!!) Post cleanse, the first day will be pretty 'soft' only adding fresh greens and steamed veggies, then I will add in goat cheese and fish. I will be trying to go back to how things were toward the beginning of the year, diet wise. The last couple of months have been pretty hard on me, so part of my 'healthy sabbatical' has had to do with me just trying to comfort myself (I know, I know, not the best coping mechanism, shu-uh!) anywhoo, I'm pretty stoked to get healthy again, I'm really hoping that this summer kicks ass, since the last two have really kicked mine!!